ITS DONE!

My first year of college is OFFICIALLY DONE! I am so gleeful. I was able to successfully complete this year without:

• gaining the Freshman Fifteen,
• failing any classes, and most importantly
• not jumping off the balcony!!

Grades post on Friday and I am crossing my fingers for straight A's and that 4.0 I've been striving for. The only thing giving me doubt about that is the math final I took this morning. But regardless of how I did on it, I passed the class with at least a B :) And that is all that matters because at the beginning of this semester I was highly considering dropping that class (actually, I went so far as to attempt to add/drop but at the last minute my computer screwed up...hmm,  perhaps it was the cosmic forces telling me to stay in it).

 But all in all, I'm done with my first year and I am confident I got the grades I have been pushing myself for, and to think, I did this all with a toddling toddler in tow.

 Now it is time for 6 weeks of summer bliss!

Everyday should be Earth Day

Today is the 40th Anniversary of Earth Day. Im sure that critics thought "oh these damn hippies and their Environment phase". But the move to "Be Green" is growing and growing each day. Its been 40 years and now people are more Environmentally conscience than ever. Now theres technology to help learn about the environment and ways that we can help it. The use of environmentally-friendly products are catching on with people everywhere.

 I think everyone should be a environmentally conscience. The Earth used to be so beautiful. And yet now the air is polluted, millions of forests get cut down daily, rivers are unclean and theres garbage floating in the ocean getting ingested by the marine life and having adverse effects on them. I feel like we kind of owe it back to Mother Nature for staining Her beauty. I'm not saying everyone should buy a Hybrid car or chain themselves to a tree but there are little, easy, things people could do to reduce their Carbon Footprint, even in the slightest way:

• 
  
  RECYCLE...its not that hard, the bins are literally EVERYWHERE
• 
  
  Use recyclable bags at the grocery store rather than plastic bags..they are 50 cents you could use over and over and made from post-recycled materials
• 
  
  Purchase more recyclabled products...it keeps the cycle going
• 
  
  Take shorter showers, or invest in a showerhead that uses less water...some showerheads use up to five gallons of water per minute  
• 
  
  Plant a tree...trees are good absorbers of C02
• 
  
  Try carpooling or walking/biking more...it eliminates excess air pollution and walking/biking is healthy for you
• 
  
  Eat more veggies...animal farms are some of the biggest producers of C02 and other greenhouse gases (I just recently made the decision to go back to being a Vegetarian)
• 
  
  Use cold water to wash your clothes and have the water level on your washing machine match the load size...it saves water and energy-- which saves money for your FPL bill

None of those suggestions are too difficult. 
But they all really make a difference.

Pollution: Keep America Beautiful-Canoe

Anxiety over Seperation Anxiety

Aden has been going through Seperation Anxiety recently. It is like he is attached to me. If I even leave the room he starts screaming and crying. Of course this is worse when I have to leave for school and when I come home and cant even spend that much time with him because I have to lock myself in my room or do homework or study for something. When he is waking up I am getting ready to leave. So he gets really happy to see me first thing when he wakes up, then I have to go. Aden will follow me to the door and will have to be held back so I can actually leave. I can hear his screams and crys all the way down the hall. Despite all the time he spends with my mother, he only reacts like this when I leave. I feel so guilty when I have to leave for school. Hearing him cry and scream and call out "mama mama mama" breaks my heart. It makes me want to turn around, forget about class, and go back and give him a big kiss and stay home with him. But I know I cant do that. I know I have to finish school, no ifs ands or buts.

 I just hate having to leave him when he makes it seem like he needs me the most.

At least I have some weeks off for summer now and can spend all my time with him.

Hmm...so what kind of mom am I?

There are different "classifications" of moms: the Working Mom, the Stay at Home Mom, and even the Work at Home Mom. Out of boredom and curiousity (not the need to label myself) I started thinking: what kind of mom am I? I go to school full time. Technically, I am not a Working Mom because I dont make any money, but I do work my butt off at school. And technically I am not a Stay at Home Mom because I have something that I work at outside of raising my son that requires a lot of time that is not spent with him. So which group do I fit in? Or have I made myself a new group? I asked some friends, some said I was a stay at home mom because I do not contribute financially and others said I am a working mom because going to school is a job. And some said, and I like and agree with this, that I made a new group for myself: the College Mom.

So there ya go, I'm a College Mommy :)

SUMMER!

Ah, so I CANNOT wait for summer to get here. I'll finally get a little break from school.

 Though it wont be a full summer break. I am taking summer classes but during the second session, June 24-August 8. I'm taking Speech Communications and Anthropology at Central Campus. I'm actually pretty excited (but mind you, not overly excited) because I am insanely interested by Antropology (well basically any type of Social Science, hence the Social Science Education major lol). Plus its going to be at Central Campus and theres just something about Central Campus that makes me feel like im at a real college campus, which is kind of weird. South Campus just makes me think of a  high school, lol. So im looking forward to getting lost the first day of classes and having quite a distance to walk in between my classes (I say that now, but when im walking to class in 90 degree Florida summer heat I will be taking back my words).

 Other than that I am REALLY looking forward to having the month of May off. My birthday is in May so I plan on doing something special for that. I'm highly considering a weekend cruise to the Bahamas with my girl friends and/or a trip to New York (I've never been to the City in the spring) but, unfortunately, I don't know how probable that is.

Other than that everyday will be spent with my son, of course. I'll take him to the park and to the beach. Luckily, I'll have time now to make playdates for him so he can spend time with kids his own age. Maybe I'll even take him to the zoo! He'd love that. Most of the days will probably be the typical day at home and walk to the park, but I really look forward to having time to actually be able to take him out and do fun things with him.

With 6 weeks off I hope to do a lot of things with Aden. I probably wont get much relaxation, but hey thats motherhood for you. I'm so glad I will be able to spend time everyday with him without having to worry about school. Oh summer, I am SO READY :)

Insanity

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

-Albert Einstein

New Years Resoultions Revisted

So its four months into the new year and, as it is with resoultions, I havent struck through with one of them. My resoultion was actually a resoultion from LAST YEAR to get to the gym and start working out, instead of just thinking about it. But have I? Nope. I always make excuses not to go: I have homework, I have to watch Aden, Im too tired, I'll go tomorrow. Its like I know I should go, but I come up with reasons not to. But thinking like that is not going to give me the results I want. I need to push, heck, FORCE myself to go. I need to get back into shape. Its sad that I get winded after going up a flight of stairs or chasing after Aden. I need to build endurance and stamina. So I was talking to my friend today about this, about how both of us have been neglecting going to the gym and how we need to go. We even checked out the gym on campus  So next Tuesday we are thinking of going...and hopefully nothing "comes up".

Poetry

So today we brought in poems to present to the class. I brought in one of my favorite poems, "My Son My Executioner" by Donald Hall, but now im kind of wishing I chose another one. I'm pretty sure I made my teacher tear up and probably made myself look like a crazy mother since the poem has a kind of morbid feel to it. But I really dont find it morbid, in a bad way. Its very moving. Its not about death per se, but about parents realizing that they have a legacy to leave behind when they do pass. The last stanza is the part that really expresses that because the speaker is talking about how they are young and when you are young you feel like you will live forever, but of course you wont. And by looking at their son they are realizing that life will continue on, through him. But maybe not everyone got that? I got the feeling afterwards that everyone thought a was a bit loopy. "/
I had two poems and couldn't decide which to go with and at the last minute chose that one. I should have just gone with "Self in 1958" by Anne Sexton. I love the 1950s housewife persona the poet uses.

Self in 1958- Anne Sexton

What is reality?

I am a plaster doll; I pose

with eyes that cut open without landfall or nightfall

upon some shellacked and grinning person,

eyes that open, blue, steel, and close.

Am I approximately an I. Magnin transplant?

I have hair, black angel,

black angel-stuffing to comb,

nylon legs, luminous arms

and some advertised clothes.

I live in a doll’s house

with four chairs,

a counterfeit table, a flat roof

and a big front door.

Many have come to such a small crossroad.

There is an iron bed,

(Life enlarges, life takes aim)

a cardboard floor,

windows that flash open on someone’s city,

and little more.

Someone plays with me,

plants me in the all-electric kitchen,

Is this what Mrs. Rombauer said?

Someone pretends with me –

I am walled in solid by their noise –

or puts me upon their straight bed.

They think I am me!

Their warmth? Their warmth is not a friend!

They pry my mouth for their cups of gin

and their stale bread.

What is reality

to this synthetic doll

who should smile, who should shift gears,

should spring the doors open in a wholesome disorder,

and have no evidence of ruin or fears?

But I would cry,

rooted into the wall that

was once my mother,

if I could remember how

and if I had the tears.

Food Expert's Food Rules

1) What did you find most surprising? Why?
What I found to be the most surprising was that the food expert claimed that people around the world who eat a more "traditional" diet are far more healthier than people who eat a "Western" diet. I find this surprising because, well I wouldn't think that cow's blood or seal blubber would be healthier than cereals that fight cholesterol (which, btw, the FDA warns is a falsification). Usually when I think of diets around the world I think of foods that seem so outrageous to me. But the Food Expert has some great points, in particular the rule about only eating things that rot and avoiding things with ingrediants that a third grader cannot pronounce. The majority of food in my fridge has chemicals in it or has been processed, and THATS outrageous.
2) What do you consume on a regular basis that is an "edible food-like substance"?
It is pretty embarassing that the majority of what I eat is what would be considered an "edible food-like substance". My great-grandmother would be appalled. I am a junk food junkie. A specific example would be the bag of chips I grab from the vending machine on any given day.

Spring Break

Spring Break was very enjoyable and laid back for me. Unlike some college students I didn't go to the beach, or go clubbing, or go have some crazy wild time in Cancun; instead I spent all my time with my son, which was so much better. I woke up with him and we went to the park every day. I feel guilty a lot because when im in school I have to rush off to class in the mornings when he wakes up and when I get home I have a ton of homework to do so sometimes we dont make it to the park. It breaks my heart to hear him cry as I have to rush off, especially now that he is going through seperation anxiety. Sometimes I think I should maybe postpone school until he is in school himself. But I know that the only way I can give him a good childhood is if I have a degree and a job by the time he is entering school, so that is motivation for me to stick through school, no matter how stressful it is.

Other than spending a lot of time with Aden I also got to go out with some friends to go see Alice in Wonderland (great movie! visually beautiful). I reconnected with two old friends, one whom I hadn't seen in YEARS. I got to visit my cousin and her newborn baby girl (I was amazed at how tiny she was, I cant believe Aden was that size!). I went to my field experience at the middle school. And, last but not least, I treated myself to an amazingly relaxing massage at the spa. It was my early birthday gift/ early Mother's Day gift/ congratulatory gift for not jumping off a balcony so far this semester.

But, now its back to reality. And reality sure does bite when first day back you have a super hard math test! >:[

Author Presentation

Out of all the presentations we were able to get to, my favorite was Richard Wright. I didn't really know who he was but during the presentation I learned a lot about him. The thing that stuck out the most to me about him was that he was an alcoholic at the age of 6. That to me is insane! The classmate presenting about him said that he would go to bars and the men there would get him drunk so that they could watch him do things. That is so wrong! I cannot imagine anyone getting a child drunk for play. That part of the presentation just stuck in  my head the entire time.

Faces of America

So this blog post is going to make my level of geekness go up even more, but thats okay. Tonight I was watching a show on PBS called Faces of America. It is basically a group of several celebrities (I dont know their names but I will post a link if anyone is actually interested) and a journey through their ancestry back CENTURIES. I personally think ancestry is one of the most interesting things ever. I mean, we know who we are now and who our parents were and our grandparents but what about the people that came before them? What did they do and who were they? It may seem irrelavent to some but to me its like, how could I not wonder about them?! Those people influenced and shaped (genectially at least) me today. And I actually, personally, have a piece of that puzzle. At a McGregor family reunion (my dad's side) in 2004 the coordinator of the reunion did ancestoral research and found out we are the descendants of a Lord of Scotland and his mistress. Its weird, but I think thats pretty cool. But back to the show, at the end of tonight's episode they did a human genome project type thing and discovered that EVERY person in the study group shared a common ancestor with another person in the group. All different ethnicities, but all somehow related. For example, actress Eva Longoria shared an ancestor with Yo Yo Ma. Essentially, this means that we could are all related. Now, I know I know, that sounds crazy or like I am getting carried away. But I think it true. Surely, it can be possible? Think about it, a man is capable of having hundreds of children who of course are all half-related, then those children have children and somewhere down the line those children can get together not even knowing the genetic history they share. Now, Im not talking creepy 1st 2nd cousin incest here, but I think that along the generations and centuries we could all have connections to one another. Well, thats just my opinion at least. Maybe its a silly theory, but its what I believe. And I think that if people really thought about it and realized that we could all be connected, that hatred and racism might go away. Again, JMO.

Heres a link if there ANYONE who is as much of a geek as me ;)
http://www.pbs.org/wnet/facesofamerica/

Early Education Fieldwork Experience

Today was my first day of my early education fieldwork experience for my Introduction to Education course. My major is Social Sciences Education and ideally I would like to teach 8th grade American History. 

At first I was nervous about the fieldwork experience. I'm very shy and I get nervous and quiet, especially in these sort of situations and with public speaking. Of course, teaching is ALL about public speaking. I know I am going to have to take some extensive public speaking courses to help me get over this. I was also nervous about the kids. Everyone says that middle school grades are the worse. The kids are going through puberty so they are at that awkward stage. Plus I look like I'm 12 so I wasn't looking forward to people thinking I was a student (which is why I made sure that I looked like a teacher, in professional attire and heels that were like feet death traps). But all my fears and nerves were settled. 

I love the class I was placed in! Its 6th grade World History. Although I love History, I prefer American far over World. But after being in the class I see that if I were to have to teach World History I would love it. It still allows creativity to a certain extent, plus learning about the fall of the greatest empire can be more intriguing than the Reconstruction era for children. 

The kids aren't too crazy. I observed my cooperating teacher and her teaching strategies and classroom management techniques. I will definitely implement those methods into my own classroom, years from now. 

I even got to "tutor" a girl who was having a really hard time with her math homework during the planning period. Math is not my subject, by far, but I felt good explaining it to her in a way that she understood it. 

All in all, this fieldwork experience is intended to see if I am cut out for being a teacher...and after today, I really think I am. :)

His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama @ NSU

Today I went to go see His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama it was so interesting hearing his insights into the global responsibility and on aspects of compassion. And I was actually able to apply some of his thoughts to my own life.

What I thought was EXTREMELY cool was that he has gotten 80 degrees from colleges and universities around the world. Today, Broward College gave him a Bachelor's degree in Education for his humanitarian efforts and teachings. The Dalai Lama had such a sense of humor! He said "how wonderful it was to get a degree without having to go to school" (he called himself a lazy student). As with his sense of humor, the Dalai Lama was pretty laidback. He sat criss-cross in his chair and was just chilling, like the kind of dude you could just hang out with and have a conversation with.

He stated that he has two committments. The first is to promote inner human values, which is just as essential, if not more essential, than knowledge. His second is to promote harmony, in the Buddhist tradition, and a genuine understanding of others despite differences. Both of those things are so important, and I wish he could have elaborated on it a bit more because I think every person needs to have a sense of both those things, especially understanding despite differences.

His main topic of discussion was Universal Responsibility [Global Compassion]. Compassion, he says, has two levels. One is an attached level (like with a mother) and the other is an unattached, unbiased care towards another human being. Global compassion refers to the latter. He stated that most people have national and personal interests but forget about global interests and issues. Our future depends on the actions on other parts of the world, and we need to remember that. The United States has a responsibility to act globally, since we are a democratic state. On the economic crisis, he said people put too much emphasis on the woes of the economy and people need to remember the United States as a nation of liberty and democracy. Money is important but we must remember other values. He said in times of difficulties, he himself thinks of the positive moral values. I need to apply this concept to my own life. I often take for granted all the good things I have going on when there is something bad or stressful happening. I think of what I dont have instead of what I do have.

The next part of the speech was a Question and Answer part. It was cool that he took the time to answer people's questions. There were about 10 questions. One question regarded what him and President Obama talked about at their recent meeting (he joked that it was "TOP SECRET" but later told us that they discussed Tibetan problems and that the President expressed concern over his well-being, "which was impressive", ie "Are you thirsty;comfortable?" etc). The question that impacted me the most was about forgiveness and how one could forgive someone else without holding any resentment towards them. The Dalai Lama said that forgiveness does not mean acceptance, forgiveness is to stop the wrongdoing. As a human being, the person deserves compassion, not hatred and if there is to be hatred it should be toward the action rather than the person, there should be no negativity towards the person. He stressed that you should forgive but not forget because forgetting defies forgiveness. This is something I can and should apply to my own life. There is someone who hurt me and I thought I forgave them, but I really didn't, not in the way he stresses. And walking around with hatred towards the person does not make my life any easier.

All in all, I am really glad I got the opportunity to go see him talk.

A Precious Human Life:

"Every day, think as you wake up,

Today I am fortunate to have woken up.

I am alive; I have a precious human life.

I am not going to waste it.

I am going to use

All my energies to develop myself,

To expand my heart out to others,

To achieve enlightenment for

The benefit of all beings.

I am going to have kind

Thoughts towards others;

I am not going to get angry

Or think badly of others.

I am going to benefit others

As much as I can."

-His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

Kissing the War Goodbye

While I was at Walmart today I saw this poster in a bin in the back of the store. I looked through the posters (there was only two other posters, of James Dean and the dude from Animal House.) I looked at this picture and debated if I really wanted to purchase it, but eventually put it down. However, I couldn't stop thinking about it until I really thought about it.

This photograph evokes a lot of feeling from me on a variety of levels.

On one level there is the history buff within which loves that this picture was taken moments after Victory over Japan was announced on August 14, 1945. Everyone in Times Square errupted in celebration. The war was finally over! The title of this photo (given by Victor Jorgensen, who took the photo at a different angle) Kissing the War Goodbye is a beautiful way to describe what is going on both in the picture and the end of World War II.

On the romantic level I love how this spontaneous display of affection and happiness was captured, between two strangers. I always thought these two people knew each other, which is why I guess this picture never really meant that much to me before. But after seeing it today and hearing that they were just two strangers, I decided to do some research. One of the photographers, Alfred Eisenstaedt (who titled the photo V–J day in Times Square) recalled in his book "Eisenstaedt on Eisenstaedt":

"In Times Square on V.J. Day I saw a sailor running along the street grabbing any and every girl in sight. Whether she was a grandmother, stout, thin, old, didn't make a difference."

I personally would have loved it if he had taken a sequence of photos of that, of this sailor kissing every girl in sight, an old woman, a large woman, a think woman, than finally the girl in the white.

The photographer never got the names of these two people so, although many have claimed to be them, their identities have never been proven (however Edith Shain is widely accpeted as being the woman.) I think not knowing exactly who these people; thinking maybe perhaps after the photo was snapped and the streets filled with people maybe they went for a drink, but probably they did not, makes it romantic.

On a personal level this photo reminds me so much of Phonzo, specifically because it was taken in Times Square. It makes me miss him and miss New York City so much. And it makes me hope to recreate it someday...

And so, I will go back to the store tomorrow and purchase it.

Modern Love

"Lets Not Get to Know Each Other Better" by Joel Walkowski is a story in the New York Times column Modern Love and I think it does a good job in describing modern love in today's generation. The author wrote about how traditional dating is no longer really done. Instead of calling up a girl and asking her out, you can send her a text or a comment on her Facebook wall. He stated that its far easier to hook up and hang out. Casual sex is now replacing committment. Friends with Benefits is the new trend. Hookups happen then the next day its back to normal. Even I've observed and experience these things. I know males and females that allocate being young and wanting to have fun as the reason for their search for sexcapades and nothing else. I have "talked" to guys and no actual speaking took place but rather hundreds of text messages and IMs. Valentines Day is coming up, remember those little sweet heart candies with things like "Hug Me" "Kiss Me" "Be Mine"? Now they have "Text Me" and "Tweet Me".

The author writes about how he'll be hooking up with the same person and then will linger over the Facebook "Relationship Status" and whether its time to take that jump from a good time to committment (because of course once its on Facebook its real, you know). I've lingered over that button myself recently...

Joel Walkowski talks about how we shrink ourselves out of fear and instances where "I Love You" should have been said, a joke was made instead. Just the other day this very same thing was the topic of a heated discussion between me and someone.

Joel writes in his story, "Casual is sexy. Caring is creepy." I'll admit I have thought that, not too long ago. But I know that its not true. I know deep down theres a hopeless romantic in me that hates all this "chivary is dead" B.S. but thats also been sort of "brainwashed" into the norms of today's society.

And then I think about what it will be like when Aden is dating (uh-oh). I really wish he could be a teenager in the 1950s where it was normal to bring flowers to the girl and her mother and get a stern talking to from daddy, and perhaps go down to Lovers Lane and maybe--just maybe--get to first base. But hes going to be a teenager in the 2020s. If things like "sexting" is the norm of today, what will it be in 15-25 years???

Global Compassion

I got an email about the Dalai Lama coming to NSU on Feb 23. I think its such a cool opportunity and experience. Its free for Broward College students and I really think everyone should take advantage of it and go:[ http://www.broward.edu/student/AnnouncementsStudent/page26357.html ]

 It really is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Initially I had to debate whether I really wanted to go as the speech, which will be on a Tuesday at the same time I have math class. Once-in a-lifetime experience VS. math... Yeah, I think I'll take my chances and get a tutor if I really need to.

His topic will be on Global Compassion. I believe that there should be peace, love, and tolerance throughout the world. I cant wait to hear his speech.

However, I really wish my best friend, Phonzo, still lived in Florida rather than New York. I know this is the kind of thing he would love and I wish I could experience it with him. None of my other friends are really that much interested. Events like this, and the John Lennon: We All Shine On Artwork exhibition I went to a few weeks ago really, really, really make me miss Phonzo.

Touched By an Angel

We, unaccustomed to courage

exiles from delight

live coiled in shells of loneliness

until love leaves its high holy temple

and comes into our sight

to liberate us into life.

Love arrives

and in its train come ecstasies

old memories of pleasure

ancient histories of pain.

Yet if we are bold,

love strikes away the chains of fear

from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity

In the flush of love's light

we dare be brave

And suddenly we see

that love costs all we are

and will ever be.

Yet it is only love

which sets us free.

-Maya Angelou

1.

My winter break was very nice. I spent a lot of time with my son and his father. Although not technically during winter break, I did go on vacation. I went to New York City Jan 7-10th to see my best friend for his birthday. It was ah-ma-zing. I had so much fun. Being a new mother my "fun tank" was depleted. Seldom do I go out with friends. Well thanks to this weekend my "fun tank" has been totally recharged. Though it wasn't a relaxing vacation in the least (collectively I got around 10 hours of sleep over a 3 day span) I had so much fun! We did everything one could think to do in the City. We went to Central Park and the Central Park Zoo, on a horse-drawn carriage around the city (poor horse, it was freezing!). I saw snow for the very first time! I pummled him with snowballs and we made snow angels. That night we went to to Cafe Wha? in Greenwich Village--where Jimi Hendrix and Bob Dylan started out as well as vintage shopping in the Village (too cute clothes!). The next day to the American Museum of Natural History, which the history buff within was ecstatic about. I went to Queens to see my Grandmother and Uncle that live there. We went to F.A.O Schwartz and got some toys for Aden (my son) and played on the Big Piano (think Tom Hanks in "Big"). We saw the Broadway musical Hair- about the 1960s hippie movement: peace love and happiness, which was more than amazing. We went to a jazz club and to a hookah bar and celebrated his birthday. It was the best vacation I have had so far. There are not enough superlatives to explain how great this trip was.



My goals for this year are to do good in school. The first semester I was able to get a 3.75 and get on the Dean's List, even while taking care of my baby boy. My goal is to keep my GPA at 3.5 or higher. I want to prove that even though I am a single mother I can still excel in school.
I also have a resolution to go to the gym on campus, instead of just thinking about going to the gym on campus.